A dream

I had a dream last night. It was very insightful. If you know me, then you know that having to do my own pedicure is a sign I am BROKE. :) So the dream goes:

I had to give myself a pedicure b/c I had no money to get one. On one of my toes, just above the nail, I had a little bit of dry/rough skin. I thought, "I'll just gently trim that off with my nail clippers." So I started...but the area was larger than I originally thought.

So, I kept clipping, but the dry skin kept getting further and further back on my toe. So, I kept on clipping. Clip, clip, clip. Until I realized I had actually clipped INTO my skin and was bleeding. Well, hell. How was I going to fix that? I couldn't just let the piece of skin stay there...all bloody and nasty. So I clipped some more, deeper and deeper until I had clipped out a HUGE hole on the inside of my toe.

I thought, OH BROTHER. I'm in trouble. I need some help. This isn't going to fix itself and I can't do anything for it. All the band-aids and neosporin in the world weren't going to fix this mess. Even though it was on the bottom, and no one would see it, I knew it was there. But I was really ashamed I had done that to myself. I had hurt myself like that. Unconsciously trying to get perfection...I kept on clipping. What a fool!!!

So, I decided to show a friend. She looked at the bottom of my toe and said, "It doesn't look that bad. It's just a small scratch." And when I looked at it...it did indeed appear to be just a small scratch. But I knew the truth. I said, "No. Look at what I've done." And I pulled that scratch wide open and showed her just what a mess I'd made of my insides - the huge hole I had created inside myself, and what kind of trouble I was in. She said, "Andyrea. You need help." And I agreed.