Ugh

I woke up after a really bad dream this morning (very early mind you) and also had a migraine. I know it's weather related and am hoping that's why I had such a bad dream. I don't want those kind of nightmares in my life right now. ESPECIALLY right now. But, I have to remember (yes Keli), it was ONLY a dream.

My quitting smoking program is not working. Basically, I have known for many years that I am really allergic to adhesives. But I used the patch in the hospital, no problem. So I thought, "I can use this and for sure it'll be good!" Wrong! Now I have a blistery square on my right arm AND my left arm. They won't even stick because my skin starts blistering and peeling off. NICE. And painful. So I may have to go with gum or Chantix. I don't know how my doc will feel about the Chantix, so we'll wait until my next appointment to see. I am going to purposefully only smoke a certain number of cigarettes a day and reduce it each day or every other day. I can't go cold turkey right now. I am WAY too stressed out to even think that would work. So wish me luck and send me lots of positive quitting vibes. I really like being a NON-smoker.

I started DBT last night again. Same place I started before. :) Hopefully this time it'll stick! Or at least I'll be able to use my skills more appropriately. Still going to see my therapist, too. I think it's very helpful and they have BOTH helped me to see things more clearly. As I said before, this past year has done a lot of bad things to my psyche. I'm trying to heal it and move forward. And it's starting to work! Oh, sure, I'm lonely, but I'll get over that in time. I'd rather be lonely than disrespected, neglected, controlled or cast off. Feeling unwanted or second- third- best sucks. And I don't deserve that. I deserve to be treated well and treat someone well in return.

Today I am going to the bank to get a temporary debit card. I haven't had any more random charges to my account, so I'm hoping that is over with. It makes me really mad. THIEVES!!!! I hate it when people steal stuff. If it's not yours DON'T TOUCH IT! Esp when it comes to my MONEY. I don't have much to begin with, so it's kind of sad they chose me to steal from. :)

I am getting excited about my trip to Las Vegas coming up. It'll be a good reprieve for me. I need to get out of town for a while. Even my therapist says that. She thinks it'll be good for me to be out of my normal millieu and into a different space for a bit. I couldn't agree more.

Then I'll get back and do a training class for work - have another week or so off - then back to the salt mines. I really didn't want to go back to school nursing this year. But I can't seem to get my foot in the door anywhere process serving, so I'll school nurse it a bit longer. They are cutting every body's hours, though, so that's going to sting a little! I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't really want to work 40 hours a week, but I sure NEED to.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I hope you all are having a good start to your day. And if you're lucky, you'll get some much need rain and cooler temps.