Having a Bad Day

I am having a tough time of it today. There is just so much going on right now...


My grandpa is about the same. Or he was earlier in the day. The night nurse said just a few more days, she thinks.

We started back to work today and I got a lot of stuff done. I have one 60 minute video to watch, but I can't download the Adobe Player for it at work (stupid firewalls) so I came home earlier to watch it on my computer. Nope. Still can't get the video. I emailed the help people for help...but no luck so far. So I'm calling it quits for the day.

It was hard for me to concentrate today anyway. I have been doing so-so with not talking to T. It's been hard, but I have coped. The past two days have been really rough, though. It's been since before Christmas that he even texted me. I feel heartbroken all over again. And even though he made it perfectly clear we weren't "together", his presence in my life was a constant. Then he just didn't text or call back. He said he got "wasted" and had a good time. I don't know what that means, but if you say you are going to talk to someone, then talk to them. It only takes a few seconds to text and say, "I'm busy. Talk to you tomorrow." Something. It hurts to me know I didn't even rate high enough to get a text or call b/c he was so busy having fun. All that goes through my mind is: 1-he's found a new girlfriend or 2-he really just doesn't care about me and it seems like no big deal to him not to talk to me. After all we have been through, you'd think I'd at least get a better deal than that. It is just so hurtful because I do still care for him so much. I miss him. I want to share things with him...but he's not there. He won't answer my texts or calls. I mean, I get it. He doesn't want to talk to me, but that doesn't make it hurt any less or make me feel any less lonely.

I pray that God sends me someone to share my life with. I want that very much. I honestly thought T was it. I gave up so much to be with him. And I guess I deserve what I got...but deep down I am a good person. A loving person. It would be so nice to have a special someone who loved me and wanted to be with me as much as I love and want to be with them. I don't think that's asking too much, really. I think people are designed to be together and it's normal to want that. I guess time will tell.

Grace 4/365:
1. ibuprofen
2. kleenex
3. no rain today
4. a venue to write down things that I can't really say
5. friends who give me support when I really need it (and right now I really need it)

Please pray for my grandpa.