I have been trying really hard to fill the void in my heart without Travis around. It is difficult. I cry all the time because I miss him so much. I am sure my neighbors think I'm loony - well, loonier than normal. I am literally sick at my stomach because of it. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate. I am crying right now while typing this...wearing one of his shirts that still smells like him. It's all I have left and I can't bear to let it go.
I haven't been drinking and that has made a big difference, too. I sure want to, though. But I know it doesn't help me any and there for a bit it was WAY out of control. So I have nothing to numb my pain now. It's raw. It's jagged. It's a huge black hole in my soul.
I am beside myself not knowing what to do. I keep reaching out hoping he'll forgive me. I hope one day he does. I can't imagine him not in my life to some extent, even if only as friends. I miss him so much and love him with all my heart. And this hurts so much. I guess karma is giving me a good kick in the ass. I deserve it, I know.
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Andy,
You'll make it past it. When I went through it I thought it would kill me not to have my ex in my life SOMEhow. After seven long years with someone, it's hard to imagine otherwise. But things change and it's SO much better now. Just hang on. I know it's really rough now but I promise it won't always be that way. It took months for me. It might for you too. But you gotta take it a day at a time. Your friends love you and want to see you happy but we're here for you when it's hard too.
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